Philbrick

Most of us have hobbies or skills that give us that "feel good" moment. Some do handcrafts, creative arts, cooking, gardening or reading. My "feel good" time is with a client in retail or wholesale product sales. I react to the pleasure a customer has when they realize (through gentle selling techniques) that they are benefiting from their purchase. Whether it's for a gift or their own use, I have learned to read their body language and respond accordingly.

Let's consider a couple of ways to achieve the goal of a sale. You are at the shop and a customer enters and walks around looking at your displays. Initiate a greeting to them and wait for a response. Some will connect immediately and some will say "just looking." Observe without being obvious. Walk within a few aisles and arrange and dust a display. When they pay extra attention to an item then it's time to re-engage them. An example could be that the item "is very good quality" or "that is the last of that sale item" etc. Sometimes people need guidance and then you can ask who it may be for, or is it for a special occasion, or does it need to be a certain color or size. Learning how to ask a few key questions in a conversational manner can make the difference between a customer making a suitable purchase or leaving empty handed.

In outside sales I have approached businesses to market personalized items like pens, hats, T-shirts, mugs and wood framed tiles. One client ordered some of these items and then spent an additional $325 on framed photo tile trivets. The personalized trivets were offered to them at a discount as a new client special. You need to know ahead of time how much a cut in price you can live with on discounting items. You will often end up with a very happy client who then becomes your free advertising tool. They love to talk about the great deal they just made!

One time I was really tested as a store manager in an upscale boutique. We had beautiful one-of-a-kind hand painted batik comforters and linens, among other lines. A very particular woman, after one hour of discussion, selected a king size comforter and shams. She took them home and everything seemed fine. One month later she returned while I was on duty and was furious. The yellow painted portion of the design on the comforter and shams had totally disappeared! I could not believe it but it was true. Holes everywhere the yellow paint had been! What to do? I accepted the merchandise back and told her I would call her within 24 hours with a solution. First, I had to make her happy. Second, I had to resolve the problem. Third, I had to make her a repeat customer for the shop. I found out that her bedroom window was a perfect conduit for the sun. It seems the yellow pigment and the hot sun do not make a happy combination. Curiously, the red didn't even fade! The heat literally ate the yellow fabric sections. Solution: she would choose another design without any yellow. Next, I discounted a sheet set that coordinated with the second comforter. We made even more of a sale! She became a believer and supporter of the shop and sent us 3 new customers.

In outside sales when going into a store I will observe all that I can before I greet anyone. Is it relatively clean and well displayed and nice to look at? This relates to pride of products and careful display work. Make that a possible opening comment. "It's so well designed and displayed" or "It's nice to come into a shop that feels and looks so good." Establish the pleasure of being in their shop. Get their business card by the register. Have yours with your flyer or brochure handy to give to the owner/manager/associate. If no decision maker is there then ask for the day and time the owner sees vendors.

Consider offering the shop owner geographic exclusivity on some products. This keeps any other stores within a mutually established radius from carrying the same products. The store needs to be a significant buyer of the products to warrant that exclusive agreement. Some owners value this idea and it establishes a great rapport between store personnel and the vendor.

Sell Happy!

Sheri Orloff grew up in the much-maligned San Fernando Valley before it became forever associated in people's minds with airhead "Vals." Since fleeing "The Valley" in the early eighties, she has been somewhat of a gypsy with stopovers in California, Hawaii, and Florida before settling on the southern Oregon coast. Since 2001 she has operated WicksWorks Candle Emporium, a successful online candle boutique. The following year she became an independent distributor of Mia Bella's Gourmet Candles and discovered a new passion for helping her network marketing business partners achieve the financial freedom and personal goals they desire.

Love eating Chinese food? Most of us do, but don't get fooled into thinking that anything and everything on the Chinese food menu is good for you. In fact, most people look to Chinese cuisine as a healthy alternative to fast food, but the truth is that there are a bunch of pitfalls on the menu, including high sodium and fat contents across several different foods across the typical Chinese menu…

Rice: Almost everyone loves having rice as part of their Chinese menu. The problem is that many people confuse “fried rice" with the much healthier brown rice. “Fried rice" is really white rice that’s brown via soy sauce and oil. It’s also high in fat and sodium. Stay away from the fried rice!

Noodles: Never, ever, ever a good choice! Did I mention that they’re not a good choice? The amounts of oil used to cook this stuff is almost enough for your next oil change!

Sauces: Regardless of where or what you’re eating, you should ALWAYS order your sauce on the side. Restaurants almost always pour on much more than you typically would and ordering on the side lets you control your portions. These sauces are also typically high in fat and sodium. Soy sauce for example, a staple of Chinese cuisine, has up to FOUR times the recommended daily allowance of salt in just ONE tablespoon!!!

Meat: If you can’t recognize what’s on your plate it probably means you should skip it. You’re always better off ordering steamed entrees. That way you not only could recognize what you’re eating, but you'll be skipping the digestion of meat that’s covered in fat-soaked breading (think General Tso’s chicken!!!).

Your best bet is to really take advantage of ALL the healthy options and order a little of everything, focusing mostly on vegetables and steamed dishes. You could still enjoy your Chinese food, but don’t derail all you hard work by making the wrong choices.

For more information on general health and nutrition, feel free to sign up for our free newsletter!

George Louris is the owner and president of GetFit Inc. As an ISSA Certified Fitness Trainer with over a decade of personal training experience, it is his ongoing belief that attaining and maintaining good health and fitness must be incorporated into ones life until it becomes a lifestyle habit. His goal is to make it as easy as possible to do so. As a personal trainer, it is his goal to provide the most effective and safest exercise program appropriate for his clients' needs. This includes providing challenging, fun, and varied workout programs along with sound nutritional and supplement programs to help meet his clients' goals. George believes that a good personal trainer has to be much more than someone who simply shows you how to perform exercises correctly and gives you dietary advice. George has a passion to inspire and motivate his clients to push past the obstacles that can rob them of their goals and aspirations. He understands that most people dont always feel like exercising or eating healthy? George thrives on pushing anyone past those obstacles.

WHAT IS COMMITMENT?

The question of when a relationship is committed is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the marriage rate is going down, the co-habitation rate is going up, and the majority of first-born children are now born to unmarried parents.

In this article I hope to shed some light on this question to facilitate your work with couples and individuals challenged by different perceptions of the status of their relationships.

COMMITMENT VS. PROMISE

I recently had a conversation with a woman who told me she had just broken off a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that she had been dating this person for a year, they were not living together, and the reason she broke it off is that he "cheated."

We talked about pre-committed vs. committed relationships, and she agreed that it was a pre-committed relationship, but insisted that they had made a "commitment" to each other.

OK, things are getting clearer. On the one hand is the status of the relationship- pre-committed vs. committed, and on the other hand are commitments made within the relationship. Macro vs. micro. Two different things, right?

In our conversation, it occurred to me to make a distinction between a "Commitment" vs. a "Promise." They made a promise to each other within the context of a relationship that was not committed. That distinction seemed to help her make more sense of things.

When I asked the RCI coaches for feedback on the "commitment vs. promise" distinction, most felt that it was just semantics and there is not much of a difference. The general consensus was that when you make a promise you are making a commitment.

Well, I agree that it is a question of semantics, and here is my definition of terms:

PROMISE: Verbally stated future intention to perform a

specific act.

- I promise to pick up your dry cleaning and not forget this time

- I promise to be exclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT:

Both a FACT demonstrated by behavior, and an ATTITUDE consisting of thoughts and beliefs.

- I am committed to keeping my promises

- I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise is something you say, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is situation-specific. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a small commitment. If a potential partner doesn't keep promises, I would question their ability to keep commitments, as they are definitely related.

CONFUSION ABOUT COMMITMENT

Whether or not you agree with my semantics, the distinction I made between a commitment and a promise was helpful for the above conversation.

The larger picture though, is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of today's relationships. Some years ago when I coined the term "pre-commitment" to describe couples that were exclusive but not yet committed, it was a helpful distinction, but the question remains- "What is commitment?"

When you are married, it is clear you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and a publicly witnessed FACT. However, it is common for couples in trouble for one or both partners to have an uncommitted ATTITUDE.

I have talked with many unmarried people, as the woman above, who have described themselves in "committed relationships." They clearly have the attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (and sometimes not even that!) to demonstrate that the relationship is committed.

IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE -NOT- IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP IF:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is committed
2. You are wondering if this relationship is committed
3. You and your partner have differences of opinion about the status of your relationship
4. Your family and friends have different perceptions about the status of your relationship
5. You and your partner have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in some way
6. You are relying on verbal promises without a significant track record of them being kept

A commitment is explicit and unambiguous. A commitment is a formal event of some kind between two people. A commitment is something you DO over time. A real commitment is usually legally enforceable and there are consequences for breaking it.

And, for a relationship to be truly committed, there are no exits- mentally, emotionally, or physically. When the going gets rough, you make it work.

CONTINUUM OF COMMITMENT

Commitment is not a light switch that goes from "off" to "on." When building a relationship with someone, the level of commitment gradually increases.

Then you have all the shades of gray. living together, dating exclusively for more than a year, even engaged to be married, that might look and feel like commitment, but is it really?

FACT VS. ATTITUDE

Commitment in a relationship is complicated in that it takes two people, and it requires an alignment of FACT (events, actions) and ATTITUDE (thoughts, beliefs) for both of them.

It is common to be committed in fact (e.g. "married") but not in attitude (e.g. "I'm not sure this is the right relationship for me").

It is also common to be pre-committed in fact (e.g. dating exclusively) and committed in attitude (e.g. "This is 'The One!' ").

In my work with couples I have found that the most important variable determining their future success is their level of commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are committed in fact, but not in attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then, there are the pre-committed couples that generally fall into two categories-

UNCONSCIOUS- typically following the "mini-marriage" model of trying the relationship out, acting committed without actually making the commitment. A disconnect of fact and attitude.

CONSCIOUS- aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, asking themselves "Is this the right relationship for me? Should I make a commitment?" An alignment of fact and attitude.

CONCLUSION

So, when is a relationship committed?

-- When there is an alignment of fact and attitude.

What creates the "fact" of commitment?

I propose these three criterion:

• CRITERIA #1: Promises made to each other about the permanent nature of the relationship that are kept
• CRITERIA #2: Explicit, formal, public declaration
• CRITERIA #3: Unambiguous to partners and others

In today's world, if all three of the above are met, I would say it is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I sincerely hope this article helps address the common questions about commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no pat answers or prescriptions, but it is my hope that these ideas and concepts will help you have productive conversations with your clients that are caught in the gray areas to support them to make effective relationship choices.

2005 by Relationship Coaching Institute / All rights reserved
http://www.relationshipcoachinginstitute.com

David Steele is a California-based Marriage and Family Therapist and Relationship Coach, founder and CEO of Relationship Coaching Institute. He is the author of "Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life in Today's World" and innovative relationship coaching programs for singles and couples, as well as practice development programs and books for private practice professionals.

For more information about David and his programs please visit http://www.davidsteeleonline.com